www.stupitguamtricks.com is Guam's hottest website: October 2010

Sunday, October 31, 2010

SPEAKING OF MADELINE...2 LAST MINUTE WRITE -IN CANDIDATES FOR CONGRESS STEP UP

THIS MORNING 2 CANDIDATES THREW THEIR HATs IN THE RING AND ARE challengeing current representative Madeline Bordallo for YOUR WRITE-IN VOTE.

EGYPTIAN MUMMY, INDEPENDENT
MANGILAO RESIDENT, age 1725 years

Education: Pagat Elementary

Statement: "I feel I could serve Guam in my current capacity at the Smithsonian. I'm in Washington more than Madeline.

But please, call me Nan Mummy.

OUR LADY OF KAMALIN, ETERNALLY REPUBLICAN
AGANA RESIDENT, age 2032 years

Education: Santa Barbara, Dededo, AOLG

Statement: "I'll keep it short because our people are suffering. If you don't vote me in I'll hurl another supertyphoon at you so fast, you won't know your COLA Check from your Quest card.

Unlike Madeline, my hair is real."

Congressman Bordallo could not respond as she was busily preparing for Tuesday's elections.

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MAN TO MAN - RANCH STYLE

Just revealed: Chonka Board Congressdrag queen Madeline and Tronkun NuNu-Face Vice Speakjob BJ Cruz.

If you're gagging (elll) remember that BJ himself once bedded Madeline's daughter, Deborah.

Of course, that's probably what made the younger Bordallo allegedly turn to drugs and paranoia allegedly destroying the walls of her alleged apartment in Sinajana allegedly chipping the walls for wire taps.

How allegedly sad.

Anyway, here the two elder stateswomen are getting on...

Just steps away from Guma Trankilidat.

...at Ypao Beach...

...at BJ's insistence...of course...

IT'S THE STUPIT SUNDAY ROUND-UP

The Week's Top 10 Stupit Stories 10.31.2010

View last week's Round-Up

SO THESE WHITE DUDES THINK THEY KNOW TAOTAOMONA

TUNE YOUR DVRs for this SyFy's DESTINATION TRUTH about a BIT ON TAOTAOMONA

We adore and applaud creativity and critical thinking - no matter what side people are on.

This was submitted to us by Sunny Carlcrats on Facebook.

Gotta love a well-executed campaign of any kind.

What do you think?

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WHO WOULD WIN THE BIGGEST LOSER?

Ok, so both gubernatorial teams agree that A HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE is key in their Health Care Plans.

All four candidates need to drop some serious pounds (unless they're running for Ben Pangelinan's seat): The Would-Be Governors, Eddie and Carl, both have big bellies (which may indicate potential heart problems) while the Lt. Wanna-Be's have junk in their trunks and torsos.

No matter who wins, Guam is only two heartbeats away from without an executive.

If you've ever wondered how Washington views the people of Guam, listen to Mrs. Clinton as she addresses HER American Citizens..the military personnel.  She sounds as though they're the only US Citizens in the Pacific doing the brave work of protecting the dangerous aisles.

No wonder your husband had to screw fat Jewish chicks.  They're not as clueless as you are. 

And if you wonder why Washington views Chamorros as so un-engaging, look at our own clueless cast that went to greet her.

The Old Queen

Tina Turner the Bhuddist

Dr. Dufus

LOL....Judi with her Resolutions...LMAO. OOOHHHHH..we're sooooo scared.

READ THE PDN ARTICLE

Democrats, God bless them, tend to get stale with age. They slow down, start to throw tantrums and morph into materialistic quasi-Republicans. That's what Judi Won Pat's become. Take a term off, honey, and start prepping for Congresswoman.

The biggest reason to not vote her in again: Time for new blood.

Other reasons, not so important, but that matter: Bhuddism? Really?; An activist her age, with a heavy Chamorro accent - yet who doesn't speak it fluently - is kinda unacceptable; she's more giddy about her Halloween flapper outfit than sound legislator management.

Predictions should she get re-elected: The same anti-Adelup exasperation instead of real work; more craptastic bills that go unchecked; another chance she misses at being Congresswoman.

READ MORE STUPITGUAMTRICKS ON Judi HERE.

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WHO NOT TO VOTE FOR: THE NEW REPUBLICAN BILLS

Williams Taitague and Sarmiento quite simply failed to make any meaningful noise on the campaign journey. And so we salute you and bid you a hearty get lost.

Wm. TAITAGUE

Wm. SARMIENTO

The biggest reason to not vote them in: zzzzzzzzz

Other reasons, not so important, but that matter: zzzzzzzz.

Predictions should the get elected: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

READ MORE STUPITGUAMTRICKS ON Bill Sarmiento HERE.

A SIGN OF BOOSHET TO COME

IF YOU LOOKED today at the official website for Guam Election Commission, you'd find this as the official candidate roster.

It's from 1998.  Click here to go the booshet site.

STUPID ASSES.

John Blas, you are not only the director, you're a f*ckin' idiot. Happy Election!!!

Thanks so much for participating in our poll! Fun, right?

Take the next one right there on the sidebar.

Polls close on Tuesday, November 2nd, at 8pm

He loves to loudly declare that he's a theologian, this loud mouthed Jonathan Diaz. Go away and take a vow of silence, fan?

The biggest reason to not vote him in: All people (Democrat AND Republican) cringe when he gets up to talk.

Other reasons, not so important, but that matter: He's fat and is always wearing the same leafy tropical print shirt - he must stink like a mofo; we don't need another alleged closet-case in the legislature; he ain't Moses, and we ain't no Israelites.

Predictions should he get elected: Ear-damage; mass exodus of young Catholics; Loud becomes the official language of MongMong; all legislative resolutions begin with a dumb-ass poem.

READ MORE STUPITGUAMTRICKS ON Jonathan HERE and HERE.

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WHO NOT TO VOTE FOR: DR. (LOL) SAM MABINI, Rep

Rarely is there a candidate who is so deliciously sleazy and phony, that it's kinda sad that a vote for Dr. (LMAO) Sam Mabini is a downright waste. But we emphasize waste.

The biggest reason to not vote her in: The Booshet, No-Proof Rhetoric.

Other reasons, not so important, but that matter: She lies about being a career educator; believes her tits are her platform; fake Jessica Rabbit breathy voice; has never answered a single question correctly.

Predictions should she get re-elected: Jesse Ventura becomes adjunct professor of Chamorro Studies; UOG Fine Arts Building renamed Dr. Sam Mabini Hall; a short, fat Filipina represents Guam in the Miss Universe Pageant; she obtains an executive order that makes it law to call her Doctor before you call her Sam.

READ MORE STUPITGUAMTRICKS ON Sam HERE AND HERE AND HERE.

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Thursday, October 28, 2010

ACTUAL VOTERS REGISTERED BY THE GUAM ELECTION COMMISSION REACT TO UOG'S GREAT DEBATE.

Z. LEON GUERRERO,
DEMOCRAT


J. AFLAGUE BLAZINO, DEMOCRAT

K. TORRES, DEMOCRAT

F. CRUZ, DEMOCRAT

M. SANCHEZ, DEMOCRAT

MADELINE BORDALLO,
DEMOCRAT

L. CAPITANEA, DEMOCRAT

P. TEDTAOTAO-TAIMANGLU,
DEMOCRAT

JUDITH GUTHERTZ, DEMOCRAT

SAD, SAD COMPARISON

Here's how a titty-bar in Tumon recruits its employees:

And here's the f*cked up sideways PDF that the Guam Department of Education uses to recruit its Chamorro Language Teachers. Check out the sorry story yourself.

PAIN IN THE NECK.

WHO NOT TO VOTE FOR: Mana Silva Taijeron, Rep

Mana...Mana, Mana, Mana, Mana, Maaannnnnnnna. We thought those signs were because you were selling Mary Kay cosmetics.

The biggest reason to not vote her in: The Underwood part of her name.

Other reasons, not so important, but that matter: Her brother talk-show host Ray Gibson plugged her shamelessly way too many times; was a lousy newscaster; way too old for a Legally Blonde moment; looks old PERIOD.

Predictions should she get elected: Ray Gibson becomes communications director for legislature; chotda, the green bananas, are officially renamed Chili Underwood; Nerissa Underwood's performance ratings mysteriously improve; legislative sessions are conducted in that annoying Sonia Artero voice.

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WHO NOT TO VOTE FOR: Judi Guthertz, Dem, Incumbent

Some teachers grow into a genteel retirement setting the tone for cooperation and the spirit of the Democratic process, but Judi Guthertz is becoming an embarrassing, loud beast.

The biggest reason to not vote her in again: This so-called bleeding heart is just for show, when she says she's for the environment, what she really means is that she needs another gas-guzzling ozone-depleting car in her collection.

Other reasons, not so important, but that matter: She makes fun of the Chamorro language and makes a joke of it (rather than revering it as she should); she looks like an evil clown from a Steven King novel; she NEVER volunteers what universities awarded her advanced degrees - is someone embarrassed of their Pinay-ducation?

Predictions should she get re-elected: The Boonie Dog becomes the National Dog of Guam; toll-booths everywhere you turn; she'll prime Rori Respicio for First Lady.

READ MORE STUPITGUAMTRICKS ON Judi HERE and HERE and HERE.

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WHO NOT TO VOTE FOR: Vic Gaza, Republican

What can we say about Vic Gaza except that it's all good! But nothing really moves us to endorse him for Senator.

The biggest reason to not vote him in office: We have absolutely no idea what he wants to do in the Legislature - we've never really heard him talk hard shop.

Other reasons, not so important, but that matter: Never got out there to talk to the people; hung around Telo the Drunk too much; maybe he's too nice and therefore not effective; we just don't know about Vic.

Predictions should he get elected: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

ANOTHER SLAM DUNK FOR CARL GUTIERREZ???

Could this be another winning lawsuit for the former Gov?

What alleged arrest in his med-school years might call into question Dr. Vince-Medical Care for All (so long as you pay him)-Akimoto's character?

Is there really such an arrest? We wonder...

READ FULL PDN ARTICLE HERE.

MORE STUPITGUAMTRICKS ARTICLES ON Dr. Vince Akimoto HERE.

True, this is an age where we support independent women and their right to choose - their bodies, their choice. However, Telo Taitague is one hot mess the people of Guam can't dress up or take out for another term.

The biggest reason to not vote her in again: The Booze.

Other reasons, not so important, but that matter: Puffy hangover face; falling down drunk; booze breath; the morning after.

Predictions should she get re-elected: Drunken behavior; slurred speech; more annoying renditions of Happy Birthday; Betty Ford; nausea; vomiting; blurred vision; the dreaded breathalizer.

READ MORE STUPITGUAMTRICKS ON TELO HERE.

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WHO NOT TO VOTE FOR: BJ Cruz, Democrat, Incumbent

Everyone has their moment in the sun, and this old queen has not only been out too long, she forgot her damn sunblock.

The biggest reason to not vote him in again: This self-proclaimed Champion of Guam Tourism was the proponent of a bill that shut down Night Life TWO HOURS EARLIER (2am), effectively destroying the many small businesses in Tumon AND gravely affecting the homegrown music scene.

Other reasons, not so important, but that matter: He whines like a bitch; rolls his eyes - er, EYE; confuses his gay constituents (meaning he dragged his feet on the gay marriage thing); and, people tend to not take him seriously.

Predictions should he get re-elected: Continued Puritanical legislation; a lame attempt at Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell within GovGuam; an embarassment at Big Screen Video in Harmon.

READ MORE STUPITGUAMTRICKS ON BJ HERE.

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THEY START OUT YOUNG

MARY OLD

Before she became a doctor with a brand-new online PhD, GCC President Dr. (LOL) Mary Okada was a 1982 Miss Guam Universe Contestant.

So if you're wondering why things are the way they are...DUH!

"DOCTOR" MARY OKADA STARTED OUT AS MARY YOUNG (LOWER RIGHT)